Update: Week 12 (the three month mark... Yahoo!)

Monday

Met with my surgeon, Dr. Fulkerson, this afternoon. Alon came with me. In a nutshell, Lauri said"...I am so proud of you and so happy for you. You have made it over the hump. I am not going to have to go in and scope out any scar tissue. You are going to be fine. Keep working as hard as you have been."

She was very pleased with the fluidity with which my knee could bend and move (to about 115 degrees) and confident with my progress. The reassurance and feedback was very validating.

We all sighed with relief and Lauri gave me a very tight-lipped, reassuring smile and head tilt of "job well done". It was wonderful. I gave her a high five! You can tell she was also pleased that her hard work in surgery did not go to waste.

I was approved to weight bear at 50% (two days ahead of schedule). Do that for 7-10 days. Then doc said go to 75-100% with one crutch for 7-10 days. She gave me the leeway to trust my body and mind and take an extra day or so to transition where and when I need to (within the range she specified).

She also cleared me to go swimming, hot tubbing, and take baths! Yay!

Also, Dr. Fulkerson said the stabbing pain and soreness on the medial side of my left knee is likely a result from scar tissue. The scar tissue has built up significantly on the lateral side (where the tibial plateau was crushed) and where part of the incision is. This is pulling my knee cap slightly to that side causing some of that pain on the medial side. 

I also told her about the "figure four" resistance exercises that I am doing with April (my PT). We started those last week. That exercise works the muscle from the inside of my left knee, up the thigh, across the quad, and diagonally over to the IT band. That, along with weight bearing is likely the trigger for the knee pain. 

Lauri said if any consistent pain surfaces on the lateral side to let her know and that is of concern because that is where the majority of the damage was. Right now, I just feel some tenderness where the hamstring and quad attachment points are along the thigh. So I think I am in the clear right now as well.

I will see her again on December 2nd. We'll take more x-rays then (no x-rays were taken at this last visit).

Made it to the gym at 9:30 at night for a 25 minute work out. 15 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes of foam roller (on IT band, hamstring and calf) and some quad sets/extension stretches. It was a hard day and I felt like crap when I went, but glad I did.

Tuesday

Kicked some booty in PT: bent to 120 again. Grudgingly. I still cried on like the last 2 bends. It is still just so damn painful - all over the place. From the ankle to various parts of the knee, calf, quad, hamstring, and of course low back - which eventually relaxes as I begin to relax into the pain and try to let it go. I only took the 500mg of Tylenol before this session. The flexion/extension with April was slightly more painful, but I did not feel the "drug fatigue" that I would have felt had I taken the oxycodone. I think I'll save those for bed time (as needed). I was completely wiped out come 6:30, so Alon and I order Thai. I ate - quickly. Took a hot shower - slowly. And was in bed by 8:40. Took valium to chill out the overall soreness and pains in my knee. Asleep by 9:30. Zzzzz.

Wednesday 

Worked another long-ish day: 5.5 hours. That feels about perfect to me. Anyways, rested for a bit afterward but within 20 minutes of being home and literally putting my feet up, I could feel my leg start to stiffen and cramp. I went to the gym promptly doing my full routine. My knee, leg, and low back felt very loose while biking today. The rest was "routine". Might try swimming and hot tub tomorrow evening with Alon.

Thursday

No go on the physical activity today, outside of going to work (another 5.5 hours). Felt pretty tired, swollen, and soar with bouts of stabbing pains in my knee. All "normal". I was blessed with a very nice massage and girl-time from my friend, Bree. That was by far the highlight. She is awesome. I wish we could find more time to spend together. Anyways, despite that I still took a bunch of meds before bedtime (which was about 9am) = 500mg ibuprofen, 325mg Tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, and 5 mg Valium. I was out like a light... till about 4:30/5am. This seems to be the norm for the past couple of weeks - the waking up at 3 or 4am. Fortunately this time, I only stayed awake for a short period of time.

Friday 

Worked a solid 5.5 hours, sluggishly yet productively. Good to know I can still get things done :) Bumped my PT appointment to 4pm instead of 4:30, hoping that I will have a slightly increased reserve of energy. I took a 5mg Valium before the appointment to chill me out during the "bending" portion of PT - because I can get pretty worked up physically, mentally and emotionally - and ESPECIALLY when I am as tired as I am. I guess it kind of worked. Progress in that regard was 123 degrees of flexion. Extension is getting harder (to be expected with continual progress in bending). So two tricks I was taught this week with that one is to lay down, face down, on the bed, legs hanging off the edge of the bed just above the knee. Sounds yucky, right? Well, if my knee is not even close to hyper extension because of all the scar tissue, this exercise is fine. The other trick is to prop my foot up about a foot with my leg extended straight and just keep relaxing the leg and knee. Hold this position for about 5 minutes (same as the other one), and then come back to bending. Both feel excruciatingly painful in the end, BUT absolutely essential to get and maintain full extension in my leg. I did take 1000mg of Tylenol today. Seems a bit over the top but at this point my liver considers that a break. There is a pot luck at my friend Katrin's tonight. I hope I make it, but it's not looking good (energy-wise). There is the whole "mind over matter" thing, so who knows, I could get a second wind! This weekend is all about RELAXING and RECUPERATING. Boulder may get a good deal of snow Saturday, so I am hoping to cozy up inside, drink copious amounts of tea, read and maybe do arts and crafts, and grocery shop if I absolutely have to.

That last paragraph was a complete stream of consciousness but I don't feel like editing it and organizing it. This is after all, more a like a journal sometimes than anything else. I learn something about myself, and maybe my reader picks up a thing or two as well.

Take care and love to you all.

The Down-Swing to the Up-Swing

That sadness and fear and weakness that I pushed back during physical therapy on Friday seemed to resurface Saturday evening. What a surprise. 

The sharp, frequent, stabbing pains through the medial side of my knee were really getting to me. They've been happening with more frequency the last couple of days. I am certain it is from increased, constant weight bearing at PT from Friday. 

I had a somewhat "full" day Saturday with out over doing it, I thought. Started the day with a lovely Skype session with my brother Mike and his girlfriend, Alicia, in New York. Got a quick and tasty breakfast burrito at Illegal Pete's with Alon. Viewed an apartment (with a billion stairs and down branches everywhere). Scooted around Whole Foods with Alon (me: in a power scooter that could literally turn on dime, a 1000 times better than the Target version). And in the afternoon, I finally sat for about two hours while I got my hair colored. I decided to take the day off from the gym/PT. I was feeling fatigued since I woke up but decided to continue activity at a relatively slow pace, checking in with myself (did I want to go home and sleep or go grocery shopping with Alon? for instance). By late afternoon and night time, I was completely beat, a bit cranky, and the pain had not subsided at all despite 1000mg of Tylenol since morning. Alon and I cooked dinner and watched two movies. I iced my knee a bit, later on putting heat on the medial part of the knee. I was trying everything.

Did I mention Boulder was experiencing 60+ mph gusts yesterday? Today it's not so bad, less wind up, but still up there at probably 30-40 mph. Anyways, that kind of wind always makes me feel unsettled, even on a good day. And surely challenges my stability (physically and mentally) while on crutches.

As I write this and reflect more on my day yesterday, I realize, "Shit. I did not actually take it very easy." Well, I tried. I did go slowly, if that counts. The conversation I had with myself yesterday was "If I went home I would be letting the fatigue win and probably feel sad or something." 

I was starting to have regrets later in the day that I didn't go to the gym, since I was feeling so crappy. Alon reassured that I was fine and it was probably an okay thing to do (and it was).

The balance I was trying to achieve was activity without increasing my pain while not giving in to fatigue. That's hard!

By night fall, as I tried to stretch and massage my left leg in bed, I wept. Whether it was pain, fatigue, or frustration that set it off. There I was, crying yet again. Oh well. It was, again, cathartic. I remember yelling (in a nice way!) to Alon in the other room, asking if he could please put away the left overs from dinner. He was like, "Sure." Here's the straw the broke the camel's back last night: the fact that I couldn't do it; I couldn't muster up the strength to crutch to my wheel chair in the other room, put down the crutches, wheel into the kitchen, put everything away in Tupperware, clean up, and put stuff in the fridge. It was just too much. There's got to be a word for angry-self-pity-weakness-discouraged. That is what it felt like.

Anyways, that was my moment last night. The down swing to the up swing.

I woke up with a headache this morning. Scarfed down a bowl of gluten-free granola and drove to the gym, where I proceeded to do rehab work out. I felt good about getting there and that is was the right thing for my body and mind. I was still very stiff and sore when I work up. The work out did help with that. The interesting part again was the first few minutes on the bike. I just cried. Discretely trying to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I focused my pain, tiredness, weakness, and frustration into the healing process and strength of my leg. I listened to some good music in my headphones and 15 minutes went by on the bike. I continued with the rest of my work out and headed home about an hour and a half later. Slightly less tired, slightly less pain.