Weekly Rewind (week 15+)

The update that just wouldn't end...

I feel like I can not top my post from December 2nd with all that excitement about walking. Since then, it's been a little hellish with good moments in between, no doubt. I've finally come around to posting an update after getting over sleep deprivation and feelings of depression:

Saturday 12/3

- woke up, headachy and sore, and took a hot aromatherapy Epsom salt bath

- walked around without crutches in the morning - snow and ice just beginning to melt, clutching Alon's arm tightly, as I stepped purposefully from house to car, car to Centro (for breakfast with friends, Jesse & Dan who were visiting from Germany!), Centro to home (where I CRASHED OUT, watched movies, read book, took bath), no pain while walking - what freedom!

- night time sleep ended abruptly and too soon, from 3am-6am, lots of deep soreness in my entire leg and also shoulders for some reason; valium/tylenol/ice/heat/pain relieving creams did not touch it.

Sunday 12/4

- woke up not too sore, but not well rested either - another sleepless night with pain and soreness like no other prevailing. I guess my muscles were doing overtime!

- we still walked around (no crutches) just to the Trident (for tea and hanging out) and actually it seemed to help me feel better.

- but I continued to feel the pains of my perseverance, as a full-body soreness began to creep up on me from my toes to my mid back in the early evening

- another morning's sleep wasted, up at 4am, wide awake and hurting. this was really starting to bum me out.

Monday 12/5

- fatigued, groggy and feeling depressed, I made it to work at 9am with the light at the end of the tunnel being my appointment with Dr. Fulkerson at 2:15, and then I would call it a day.

- doc confirmed strong progress and my next appointment will be at the end of January (yahoo!)

- Dr. Fulkerson wants to do an MRI sometime in the next 6 months to check my ACL (does it need sugery?).

- hardware (plate and six screws: which I plan to make into some behemoth jewelry!) will come out sometime around August 2012 and may be coupled with ACL surgery if deemed necessary - healing time would be 2 to 8 weeks depending on what gets done (plus more rehab if ACL is operated on).

- amidst all of this, Alon and I went to check out a new housing opportunity which would cut our living expenses in half! It's a community house, in a huge mansion (that's like saying a mansion mansion, which it was) in the historical district of downtown Boulder. We were quite impressed and will await an interview with all SIX housemates this coming Sunday.

- Monday evening I cried myself to sleep, just tired and sore beyond relief, with the help of Tylenol PM (at the recommendation of Dr. Fulkerson)

Tuesday 12/6

- woke up at 5am... at least it wasn't 3am! grudged along to work, groggy and foggy and hurting. I didn't hide it very well. I was back to using one crutch most of the day in hopes that it would provide relief. 

- I hadn't been to the gym since my PT appointment on Friday - I couldn't decide if that was okay or not. April (physical therapist) assured me that it was and walking again was going to be just as hard as I my experience was dictating, and to rest and recover and take it easy on myself! PT was low key that day. I could barely keep it together walking down the hall to PT. I remember saying "It's hard to tell myself 'It's okay, the day is going to be okay', when I am clearly not feeling okay and the day sucks hard! 

- I can't imagine the perseverance and strength my Mom had, for instance, when two years ago, every 3 weeks for several months, she just kept feeling shittier and shittier, chemo treatment and treatment - YET - you just know that whatever tough shit you're going through is part of the healing process. Her doctors told her "Give me a year and I'll give you your life back". That is an awesome phrase for anyone to hear who is going through an injury or illness that does have a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what I try to remind myself of during my darkest of moments (along side letting myself just have my dark moments). I am coming back to life, it's just difficult, that's all AND I am so fortunate and blessed in so many ways, so "SUCK IT UP, ERIN!".

Wednesday 12/7

- slept til 6am, wandered through the day, meeting after meeting, showing up, and getting maybe 3 things done on my to-do list. Produced a couple smiles, laughs, and went home - exhausted.

Thursday 12/8

- regaining my mental acuity, I started the day at work by participating in my 3rd phone conference of the week. I think I may have said one intelligent statement that was well articulated, asked one dumb question, and carried on with my day... some insane heel pain is whooping up, not sure what to make of it exactly.

- I worked out a 32 hour per week schedule with my supervisor earlier in the week - who has been SO supportive and flexible while I try to navigate recovery + work + maintaining my sanity. So, once again, my work day ended around 3:30pm which is REALLY NICE. Went home, biked 20 minutes at the gym to loosen up my knee and later on crashed out with my friend - you guessed it - Tylenol PM.

Friday 12/9

-  did I mention the INSANE HEEL PAIN?!!? I looked it up: The heel has a fatty cushion called the calcaneal fat pad that when not used (or injured, say from running too much) will deteriorate causing pain to the heel bone like a deep bruise with added sharp, crippling pains. Thin bone spur or plantar fasciitis (now I can relate to those people too!!) With increased use of my foot (i.e. walking) the fat pad will naturally build back up and the pain should subside. It's a balance between use and rest, ibuprofen and ice, and perhaps purchasing new kicks and a gel heel insert.

- PT was really good today (once the drugs kicked in)... we added new exercises to the routine - including harder squats, extension, and a cool exercise on the Pilates Reformers - and I just felt REALLY GOOD and STRONG and HAPPY! Everything glowed, even me.

- Alon and I ate dinner at home - a little something I whipped up in the microwave. Then I took us out for what was just supposed to be apple pie, but ended up being another full meal at Riffs (go to this restaurant - it's new in Boulder - and EXCELLENT in all ways!)

On the Pilates Reformer. Spring loaded tension as I do a half squat and slide my leg out. 2 sets of 10, also in reverse position.

Saturday 12/10

-  CHILLED. Bought travel size foam roller and new running shoes (after trying on at least 20 pairs in the last 2 weekends - found a pair that was comfortable!) :)

Highly recommended!

Sunday 12/11

- Finally went to the gym again and then, CHILLED.

- Alon and I also attended the interview as housemates at the Highland House which went really well. Seems like a cohesive, mature, good-natured, honest group of people to live with... we will see... and we will let the feeling sit for a couple days. Probably find out Tuesday what their final decision is.

Monday 12/12

- Worked til 4. Sat with Alon at Atlas Purveyors for an hour afterward enjoying a delicious home-brewed Rooibos chai and brought a black coffee to our famous Vincent, the street corner vendor (at 16th & Pearl) of The Denver Voice.

- Made a nice dinner of baked salmon with an organic locally-made apricot-jalapeno jam (bought at this summer's Peach Festival in Lafeyette with my Mom), coupled with spaghetti squash, and garlic-ginger sauteed greens.

- Got psyched up with Alon to go to the gym for an hour an a half at 8pm. Did my whole PT routine, dropping the biking portion down from 20 to 15 minutes (to avoid knee pains), and felt really good about it.

Tuesday 12/13

- Busy day of work with back to back meetings. 

- 20 minute coffee break with my friend Mary at Trident.

- Then a hearty PT session where we introduced 5 minutes of stair stepping (which almost killed me) and two variations of squats on the total gym where I used my left leg only (almost impossible), a modification on the wall slide squat where we tried to get 75% use out of my left leg and 25% out of my right, and two additional squats - one free standing bilateral functional squat and the other one standing on just my left leg using TRX straps. There is an undeniable learning curve here for my neuromuscular pathways, but at least I feel physically and mentally strong enough to try them now. Major progress and more to come!

- Alon and I got accepted as the new housemates at the Highland House. We are very excited! We'll be moving around January 5th (hiring movers, no doubt!). The cost savings is immense and the environment will be really cool and beautiful and wholesome (not cultish or sketchy, don't worry!).

Ta Da! That's it for now. Who actually read all this without falling asleep? Maybe just Mom and Dad and Mary... that's okay... love you guys :)

Update: Week 8 - Accomplishments

Hi!

Here's a run down of some recent accomplishments in my recovery period. I haven't been so quick to update my blog lately, so this is about a two week summary:

10/8/11 - 6 week follow up with Dr. Fulkerson, my orthopedic surgeon, who says I might be able to start weigh bearing at 10 weeks and to keep my brace unlocked, encouraging as much bending and movement in my knee as possible. Push for 90 degrees ROM in the CPM (working on it!).

10/14/11 - First out-patient physical therapy appointment at Boulder Orthopedic Physical Therapy with April Smith (and Megan, assistant) - they are GREAT. I completed 6 minutes of half rotations (think back-forth not all the way around) on a stationary recumbent bike. This bestowed much confidence in me hence the follow couple days of advancements...

10/14/11 - Showering on my own, no brace or trash bagged leg. Showering every morning now which feels so great and no more sponge baths for my left leg.

10/14/11 - No bucket in the shower to prop my straight leg up on; instead using the removable plastic toilet seat to rest my foot on.

10/15/11 - Sleeping without the brace on; laying on my right side with a pillow between by knees and ankles or laying flat on my back with a pillow under my knees.

10/15/11 - No more raised toilet seat & no more bucket! We ditched the raised toilet seat which was helpful because, well, it just was. And since I can bend my leg comfortably to at least 60 degrees, there is no need to prop my straight leg up on a upside down bucket on the bathroom floor.

10/16/11 - Warming up my leg in morning using the CPM which we left on the couch for the first night in almost two month. This meant no loud, bulky CPM or ice machine in bed!

10/16 & 23/11 - Helped prepare breakfast and dinner. Put a chair in the kitchen and sat and chopped fruits and veggies, stirred the pot, and occasionally stood with crutches or hobbled around to get one thing at a time... a little scary because I had to be careful not to slip.

10/18/11 - Unassisted bathing; getting in and out of the bath tub on my own (still sitting down in the tub and using the transfer bench).

10/18/11 - No more toilet seat in the bath tub - sounds funny, but true! When I was able to shower without the brace, we ditched the upside down bucket in the tub and used the 8 inch removable plastic toilet seat thingy so that I could rest my foot on something and my leg wouldn't just hang like dead weight and strain my knee. Well now my knee is more flexible. It hangs, I bend it, and try to get some extra motion in the knee while I warm up the muscles with hot water.

10/19/11 - Completed my forth out-patient PT session and did 6 minutes of full rotations on the stationary recumbent bike. Struggling to keep my hip down (raising the hip was a learned compensation to provide more leverage to bend my knee - not helpful!) and PUSH THROUGH a full rotation. April Smith (my fabulous physical therapist) had me concentrate on engaging the quad and glute of my RIGHT LEG and pushing hard with the right foot, forgetting the left leg and just letting it follow the motion determined by my right leg. All while taking my right hand and pushing down hard on my left hip to keep it from popping up off the seat. My low back and hip muscles would tense up, and this is something I'm working on changing. By the end of six minutes I had about 5 really smooth, fluid rotations. THAT felt amazing.

10/20/11 - Went shopping... like a normal person... I fulfilled needs without over doing it. I bought a new fleece-lined hoodie sweat shirt for the cold weather approaching and some new yoga pants (since that is all I pretty much wear these days). These are some things I needed but in no way felt "up to doing" in the days and weeks prior. Simple, but good progress.

10/21/11 - Disability Claim - Began a dialog with my surgeon to submit paperwork for an extension of short term disability to long term disability coverage, as a safety net. WE HOPE I can start back to work sometime around November 21st. My short term disability claim expires Nov 19th. It takes about one month to process a long term disability claim. I may go back to work by November 19th, but it may only be part time for a little while. The disability insurance company's rule is that an individual can continue to receive disability benefits, with doctor's notes, as long as the individual is working less than 80% of their regular hours.  In my case that would be 32 hours or less per 40 hour work week. Doctor's notes, recommendations, specific instructions like "part time" or "light duty" or changes to the work place are required by the insurance company. I think it makes sense to get the ball rolling on the long term disability coverage as a SAFETY NET, with the goal of being back to work at 100% as close to that 12 week mark (Nov 19) as possible.

10/22/11 - Pampering and self-care! Got my hair cut today. Simple as that. Made me feel really good. Also went out to brunch and sat with both legs bent under the table (yay! normal!) instead of one propped up or sticking out straight. Opened several of my own doors (to public bathroom, etc.), crutched along the Boulder Creek and sat on a bench with Alon by the creek, enjoying the autumn day. I also crutched about 5 blocks along the Pearl Street mall to check out BCAP's Souper Bowlder display at the Boulder Arts & Crafts shop. Later that afternoon I took a nap for nearly 3 hours - I was absolutely wasted when I got home at about 3pm. Alon had to wake me up at 6:30pm!

10/22/11 - Guided visualization used instead of pain meds to fall asleep. Alon took me on a verbal and visual journey through the stars and deep into the earth to help easy my pain and relax. He was great! It was a new approach brought on by the fact that I was just sick and tired of taking oxy or valium to fall asleep. So Alon's technique really helped and I think has a lot of promise if we take the time to keep practicing it. Alon actually fell asleep about 15 minutes before I did in this initial trial which was pretty funny, but all good!

10/23/11 - Washed a few dishes (about 10 minutes worth of standing and "doing"). Did a load of laundry by myself - I might think twice about telling Alon about this :-) I basically dragged a bag of dirty clothes while crutching from bedroom to laundry room (about 15 feet apart), separated items, and started her up.

10/23/11 - Skyped with family showing them how I can bend my left knee and lift my leg up and down. They were very excited so that was cool.

10/23/11 - Range of motion - "Gravitational Flexion" progresses at home. I sit on the kitchen table with both legs dangling off. I bend as far as I can go. Then Alon takes one hand and places it on the top of my ankle, where leg meet foot. I push into his hand as hard as I can, then relax, then he pushes my leg back. I keep my seat, pushing my left hip down and massaging my leg in different spots. We repeat this 2 or 3 times and hold each one for a few minutes until I can't bend any further. It HURTS! Duh. Then we release my leg altogether. I bring my leg up to straight, trying desperately to kick Alon's hand that is suspended high in the air. I more like just barely tap his hand. I repeat this part a few times till the motion is relatively fluid and smooth and then return to the bending exercise.

10/24/11 - Made tea for myself and Alon and put a few dishes away this morning! After that 15 minutes of doing stuff I was tired (mostly in my arms and right leg). The blood also rushes down into my left leg/foot and my left hip is holding so much of the weight that it also starts to feel the strain. So I hustled to sit down and stuck my leg in the CPM (up to 80 degrees in CPM this morning!).

Range of motion (ROM) - At the beginning of each physical therapy appointment April and I take about 30 minutes of loosening and bending and straightening my left knee and leg. It SUCKS, but it is worth every second of torture so I can make a full recovery. Here's a recap of how I'm doing at the start of 30 minutes (when I arrive) to the end of the 30 minutes. April assures that I am doing well and making progress, despite measurements that vary and show decreases:

Degrees of ROM:

10/12/11: 67.5 to 90 (took 500mg Tylenol)

10/14/11 65 to 90 (took 7.5 mg Oxycodone and 325mg Tylenol;

10/19/11 85 to 110 (took about 10mg Oxycodone and 650 mg Tylenol);

10/21/11 70 to 90 (just barely - I was very tight and soar from PT two days prior and did not take any oxycodone before this appointment)

I think next time I am going to try 5mg Oxycodone, 325mg Tylenol, and 5mg Valium. My low back and hip muscles were going into spasm on 10/21 so I think the Valium would help with that. Also, I get pretty worked up emotionally, so the Valium might take the edge off a bit. I also think the Oxy/Tylenol helps me get through the first painful 10 degrees (somewhere between 90 and 100 degrees) and then I just deal with it. This pain and emotional management thing is an ongoing learning process!

By the way... my quad, glutes, adductor and abductor muscles are getting visibly stronger now from two weeks of PT and daily home exercise routine. I just need to make sure I keep up on my shoulder and back exercises at home (using a T-band) because I've been slacking off there with all the focus on ROM lately, and my shoulders are starting to hurt a bit (from crutches/walker and previous shoulder injuries). ALSO, my left foot is getting better but still soar/swollen (tendonitis) and not back to 100% of its range of motion yet. When I stretch the foot it almost feels like I have shin splints. Eight weeks later, the left foot and knee are still a bit swollen. Most of my bruising is gone - just one little one left on the lateral calf that we are rubbing out daily.

A bit of reflection...

I've realized a lot recently about taking things granted - my life, my body, my friends and loved ones, help and kindness from others, the way I spend my day (thinking, eating, laughing, stressing out, doing, not doing), my sanity, and my "good" moments. I have a renewed appreciation for all of these things every day.

 Me at Boulder Creek this weekend.