8 More Degrees to Feeling Normal

Measured my degrees of flexion yesterday at PT and I am bending my left leg to 143 degrees! That means I can almost touch my heel to my glute! This feels more like stretching should feel, and I feel less inhibited by pain and discomfort like it had been.  My therapist warns me not to stretch it too far; that 135 degrees is normal and my ligaments and joints lean towards being loose and over-flexible; I need to keep things stable and strong in that region. In other words, I'm probably right where I should be.

I'm still working some gentle plyometrics into my routine along with hiking, which are both a real mark of progress to me at this point in my recovery. For plyo I'm using one of those aerobic platforms and doing toe taps, and side steps over the top (no spins yet), for about 10-15 minutes. My knee joint is very sore for a few days after either one of those activities. The "doing" part is not painful - it's empowering, liberating, and just feel really good. I can't remember if I wore the IT support band during my plyo routine or not last Saturday, but I need to do that in hopes that it reduces the soreness afterwards. 

I'll probably starting "running" in the next couple of weeks. This means getting on a treadmill and jogging slowly for about 30 seconds, then walking for a minute. Do a few sets of that and then I'm done. Keep doing that for about a month, and continue increasing the running interval time and decreasing the walking interval time. Building this up to a solid 5 minute jog will probably take another 3-6 months. The idea is to still be able to walk and function normally at the end of the day. A little soreness is fine, but I have to be able to go up and down stairs at the end of the day without too much sacrifice.

Pilates has a brilliant way of showing me my strengths and weaknesses. As I progress out of PT (which includes 30 minutes of Pilates right now), I am looking at doing a once a week group Pilates reformer class for $25 at The Pilates Center in Boulder. They also do a FREE mat class on Thursday nights, so that's what I'm going to check out tonight.

Oh! Much to my warm-weather delight, I am able to wear flip flops and other "flimsy" shoes for about a hour or two every few days without repercussion. I still mostly rock the big white tennis shoes with every outfit but this is also a mark of strength and progress... and vanity!


Thanks for reading up on my life... :-) Hope you all are doing great, too! Someday I will write about something different.

Things are shifting

I had one of those days last weekend where I woke up with a great burst of energy and determination. I was not stiff or sore. No need to take any pain relievers (actually, as of today 1/18 - I went 6 days without any tylenol or ibuprofen; and took maybe 2000mg total over a 10 day period. AWESOME!). 

I set off for a one hour, intense work out at the YMCA at 8am. It felt fantastic and hard. Then it all changed. It felt like I had spun around 100 times, ran 10 miles, and was carrying a 60-pound pack through a thick, dark, musty swamp. My stamina was shot! Despite my long list of to-do items thoughtfully written out the night before including working from home, all my determination to be productive was gone and nothing got done except the essential which was walking to the bathroom or kitchen, grocery shopping and making a dish for our first Highland House pot luck dinner. 

My body and mind have not spoken this clearly and loudly in a long time... "STOP AND REST!". I had no choice but to surrender.

Sunday night our first week at the Highland House was capped with a delicious pot luck dinner and house meeting. 

I've noticed that my stomach has been sensitive to foods lately, even citrus in the morning. This tells me that I have some emotional build up. I've definitely had "emotional seeping"... where tears or a dip in mood come suddenly and unexpectedly in various situations. It's not great. I should probably create a container for some emotional release. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform my 40 hour work week, be present with clients and staff, friends and family and housemates. But I'm fading fast... 

I woke up tearful and exhausted beyond comprehension, crawling through the day at a snail's pace. Yet, not even thinking to take pain medication; I just didn't need it. Alon watched me struggle in the morning and gently held me and encouraged me to go to work. I acknowledged my feelings of wanting to stay in bed, feeling the weight of depression and fatigue come over me like a tsunami. I was almost breathless. With his encouragement, I carried on and was able to show up for my staff and my clients in a fairly low capacity but still present. I was glad for that but I still ask myself if it was the right choice. 

Next day... I feel like maybe my stride is picking up a bit. I had wonderful one hour massage this afternoon with Bree, which my leg and body were so hungry for. I feel much stronger in my morning routine, meaning when I get up out of bed I don't have to lean on the wall for a few minutes to stretch my leg or shake off the stiffness or gain strength. I can just get up and go (with a little limp). The pain and stiffness are just that much less. It's great! Lots of people are commenting on how much better I am walking during the day, so that's really nice to hear/see.

Little thing... A pillow between my legs while sleeping is still comforting, though I've realized not as essential. I still toss and turn a lot. I can lay on my back more comfortably allowing my left leg to relax (sometimes). That said, there is a new-ish pain and discomfort, a tightness perhaps, in my knee when I try to straighten my leg. More PT, more extension, more time will help it along.

Patience and not being hard on myself are by far the most difficult challenges right now. It was a lot easier to give myself a break when I was laid up at home for two and half months. After Christmas I was really hoping to resume a 40 hour work week, still attending to two-two hour PT appointments per week and other daily work outs at the gym. I'm realizing I just can't cut it... I feel like I'm letting myself down and others... though I was fairly reassured today by coworkers that I'm still doing a good job and working hard. My stamina and motivation at work are definitely suffering.
Cliches come to mind... We are our own worst enemy (and critic). If I don't have my health, I have nothing - it's true. I must take time again to really focus on the path that supports me in being the happiest, healthiest, and best person I can be right now. I'm struggling a bit with it, but I know I am where I am supposed to be, and all will work out.


Much love to all of you have been with me and supporting me during this crazy Rite of Passage! I love you all. Knowing your love and support are out there brings me up and gives me clarity in the really difficult times. Thank you!

Physical Therapy Highlights!

Today was a fantastic day at physical therapy! Flexion was measured at 135 degrees with the unwavering assistance from my physical therapist, April. I made it to this position not once, but twice. It was awesome! Of note, I can be released from physical therapy once I am able to bend to 135 degrees on my own.

Last week we made some of my exercises more difficult. The most challenging is the one-legged, side-lying squat with a squishy balancing disc placed under my left heel (for pushing off of). Two sets of 5. It was remarkably easier to get started and keep the momentum this week, though still teeth-clenching and bursts of vocalization to make it through each repetition. Some day I will be where this girl is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tME4WKWr5d8. The next hardest would be the "monster walk". Imagine taking a thera-band (silver - maximum resistance), tied around your ankles, held taught at about should width apart, bending into a partial squat and stepping side ways. Going quite slowly to keep control of movement of both legs, and remaining in a squat. Each leg, inside and out, gets a total work out, not to mention the glutes, hamstrings, and calves. I did three laps across the gym floor (about 25 feet in one direction). And my legs and butt were on fire! Here's a muscly guy doing a wimpy version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CGNwL5xSd0.