Responses to "Return to Work"

I think it is important that I share the two comments below that I received by email this past week from two loved and trusted people in my life. They are spot on and fill in thoughts and feelings where I may have trailed off (in my mind). I really appreciate the support and love that surrounds me while I walk along this bumpy path. These people (amongst others) really do complete me as a person. Thank you for telling me to chill out sometimes and for bringing things into perspective!

Comment #1
"With regards to your people at work I'd say: focus on YOU!  As you know, people respond in a variety of ways to challenging situations (i.e. fear, over-care-taking, awkwardness, pity, trying to cover their own asses in terms of liability yada, yada...).  You never know exactly why it is that people say what they do, how they do, when they do.

Just be clear about what your intentions are for next week, do your best, listen to your body and take breaks/"call it a day" when you need to. If you feel good and have energy, then keep on truckin' - to hell what everybody else thinks!! Let others' comments, tone of voice, facial expressions, body language etc. go by the way side for now.  If there are repeating patterns that come up again and again with the same person over the coming weeks, then I'd day sure, go ahead and bring it up/address it. Otherwise, my council is to forget about this level of analysis for now and focus on what your goals are, how you know you are feeling/doing and what you know you want/need to do. Make all this clear to others and let them deal with their own doubts/fears/issues..." C.F.

Comment #2

"You got it girl, always good to hear from you. Good job!  Have a great time back at work, that schedule sounds good :) I think getting your mind off yourself and back onto your job is gonna be great. You will love the new energy and business I bet, and you will sleep good at night!

Have fun and good luck, my sisterly advice is try not to confuse peoples concern, compassion, or wanting to help with pity or fear, ok? There is definitely a big difference... Remember over the years how compassionate you have been to others, even to people you never met before! You would have never wanted them confusing your compassion for anything else right? So give them a chance, let them care for you, it's ok, You would do the same for a coworker if it was reversed.

So be patient with people and just keep your heart open, soak it in, you will do great!! I'm not sure what happened there, or what conversations you have had with coworkers recently, I wasn't there, but to me it doesn't seem like the type of work place or community that would hinder your progress or productivity, so try not to worry to much, ok pal. Just reeeelax." B.B.

Dear Left Knee, that's right I'm talking to YOU.

It was 3 o'clock in the morning on Tuesday October 25th when I woke up with stabbing pain through the sides of my knee and deep soreness, which had continued over the last 24 hours or so. It kept me up for about 3 hours. About one hour into it I decided to take 7.5mg of oxycodone, even though I had taken one plus 5mg of valium about 6 hours prior. I haven't had to take this much heavy pain medication back to back to help me sleep for about 2 weeks.

I decided to have a little heart to heart with my left leg and left knee. It went something like this:

Dear Left Knee,

I want you to know that I hear you, I feel you, and I love you. I know you are hurting and tired. The rest of your body is here to offer love and support. We will be patient while you recuperate and regain your strength. Please try to be patient too and just rest. You worked harder than usual this weekend and last night. I know you're trying to be more social, mobile and active, and we realize it takes its toll on you. We commend you for your bravery and attempts at finding joy and normalcy in your day to day life. It suits you. Keep trying and keep taking it one day at a time.

Tonight you're feeling a bit hopeless and frustrated, tired and obviously in pain. Like someone is stabbing a knife through one side of your knee and out the other, while your quad and hip are in spasm. We feel it too. Your body is here to support you. You're not alone. In fact, your feelings are universal.

We hope you can find some peace in knowing that we (your body and mind) and many other humans and living beings in this world may experience something similar to what you're going through or see someone they love struggling and fighting like you are. We hope you can find that restful place inside you. Know that it's okay to let go of the pain. That others share in your pain.

Rest and peace are everywhere in every thing. You can tap into within you and all around you. Let the pain and discomfort and emotions you feel sink into the earth or float up into the stars. The universe can take whatever it is you can't or don't want to handle right now. You are not a coward for doing this. You are human. You should not feel the need to do it all and keep it all together all of the time. There are billions of people and other sentient beings that are sending you love and light right now. Right now. Receive that love and light and let it fill you up. See your pain and struggle for what it is. Let it go as much as you can. Let in the abundance of life and healing power of peace and compassion and gratitude.

With ever lasting love,

Erin

Specific Requests for Help (in Boulder, CO)

I am trying to make a schedule of helpers for the next 5-10 weeks while I recover at home. I am requesting a couple hours of help in both the mornings and afternoons. We are taking this one week (really, one day) at a time. I hope to be doing things and walking on my own again by Thanksgiving! Please read on for details... thanks :)

My contact info:
erin.e.dupuis@gmail.com
508-479-4841

Schedule of Help Needed:

• Days: Monday through Friday
• Times: (slightly flexible)
• Morning shift: 10am-1pm
• Afternoon shift: 2pm-5pm 
• Duration: Tuesday, September 13th to Friday, November 18th

Any assistance or amount of time you can offer is helpful. Please be direct with me and Alon by saying what you can and cannot help with at anytime. We respect you, your time and your friendship.

Help at Home:

• breakfast and lunch
• change ice for my leg
• move my equipment from living room to bedroom (ability to lift 10 pounds) - usually in late afternoon
• refill my water bottle
• push me in wheelchair around the block when I feel up to it 
• light house cleaning
• other personal assistance (does not include getting dressed, toileting or bathing)
• keep me company
• laugh together
• ART THERAPY!

Help Outside Home:

• pick up biweekly farm share in Boulder, Thursday, 4-7pm (thru Oct.)
• run errands - examples: picking up ice or a few grocery items - we will give you money ahead of time or reimburse immediately

Asking for help is not an easy thing for us. Thank you so much for hearing and considering our requests. 

With respect, love and thanks,

Erin & Alon