5 Month Update

Physical Therapy:

• Roughly 3 more months of PT - next week I will be winding down from 2 x per week (for the next 2 weeks) to 1 x per week (weeks 3-6) to once every other week (weeks 7-12).
• Range of motion is 131 degrees on my own
• Hamstring strength is very good
• Quad strength is getting better, still needs work

Body's Condition:

• Hips and knees seem better aligned (evident during squats)
• Gait is improving, limp is almost unnoticeable at times 
• SI joint displacement leading to joint pain and sciatic nerve pain down right leg / off and on for last couple of weeks - becoming less frequent.
• Very tight psoas and hip flexors
• Increasing ab strengthening exercises to hopefully minimize the low back and hip pains  
• Weekly myofascial release (focusing left knee region) and massage therapy (Thai/full body)
• No pain relievers (Tylenol/Ibuprofen) for knee related pain in about 2 weeks!

Personal Update: 

For all intents and purposes, I have permanently reduced my work week hours to 32. After trying to hit 40 per week after the new year it proved to be too much. My overall health and rehabilitation were suffering. After reaching the decision on Monday and getting it formalized and approved on Tuesday, today I felt like a renewed person. I am very much looking forward to the reduced hours - after a lot of battling with myself, disappointment, and purposeful realigning of my goals to be more realistic, more achievable, and less devastating. 

The inquiry I find myself in more and more goes something like:

"What decisions can I make in each moment, every day, and over my lifetime to deeply feel as much health and happiness as possible?". 

The intention I wrote out this morning on the community "2012 intentions board" in my kitchen was:

I will do everything in my power to bring more personal awareness to and to achieve my optimal physical, mental, emotional, relationship, and spiritual health.

This is where I am at now. I am really starting to open up to some new awareness, to shed some old beliefs and perceptions, and to tap into the richness this experience has brought me. It feels really good and wholesome, very freeing. 

Surgeon's update to come ... next follow up appointment is this Friday, 1/27/12!

The Down-Swing to the Up-Swing

That sadness and fear and weakness that I pushed back during physical therapy on Friday seemed to resurface Saturday evening. What a surprise. 

The sharp, frequent, stabbing pains through the medial side of my knee were really getting to me. They've been happening with more frequency the last couple of days. I am certain it is from increased, constant weight bearing at PT from Friday. 

I had a somewhat "full" day Saturday with out over doing it, I thought. Started the day with a lovely Skype session with my brother Mike and his girlfriend, Alicia, in New York. Got a quick and tasty breakfast burrito at Illegal Pete's with Alon. Viewed an apartment (with a billion stairs and down branches everywhere). Scooted around Whole Foods with Alon (me: in a power scooter that could literally turn on dime, a 1000 times better than the Target version). And in the afternoon, I finally sat for about two hours while I got my hair colored. I decided to take the day off from the gym/PT. I was feeling fatigued since I woke up but decided to continue activity at a relatively slow pace, checking in with myself (did I want to go home and sleep or go grocery shopping with Alon? for instance). By late afternoon and night time, I was completely beat, a bit cranky, and the pain had not subsided at all despite 1000mg of Tylenol since morning. Alon and I cooked dinner and watched two movies. I iced my knee a bit, later on putting heat on the medial part of the knee. I was trying everything.

Did I mention Boulder was experiencing 60+ mph gusts yesterday? Today it's not so bad, less wind up, but still up there at probably 30-40 mph. Anyways, that kind of wind always makes me feel unsettled, even on a good day. And surely challenges my stability (physically and mentally) while on crutches.

As I write this and reflect more on my day yesterday, I realize, "Shit. I did not actually take it very easy." Well, I tried. I did go slowly, if that counts. The conversation I had with myself yesterday was "If I went home I would be letting the fatigue win and probably feel sad or something." 

I was starting to have regrets later in the day that I didn't go to the gym, since I was feeling so crappy. Alon reassured that I was fine and it was probably an okay thing to do (and it was).

The balance I was trying to achieve was activity without increasing my pain while not giving in to fatigue. That's hard!

By night fall, as I tried to stretch and massage my left leg in bed, I wept. Whether it was pain, fatigue, or frustration that set it off. There I was, crying yet again. Oh well. It was, again, cathartic. I remember yelling (in a nice way!) to Alon in the other room, asking if he could please put away the left overs from dinner. He was like, "Sure." Here's the straw the broke the camel's back last night: the fact that I couldn't do it; I couldn't muster up the strength to crutch to my wheel chair in the other room, put down the crutches, wheel into the kitchen, put everything away in Tupperware, clean up, and put stuff in the fridge. It was just too much. There's got to be a word for angry-self-pity-weakness-discouraged. That is what it felt like.

Anyways, that was my moment last night. The down swing to the up swing.

I woke up with a headache this morning. Scarfed down a bowl of gluten-free granola and drove to the gym, where I proceeded to do rehab work out. I felt good about getting there and that is was the right thing for my body and mind. I was still very stiff and sore when I work up. The work out did help with that. The interesting part again was the first few minutes on the bike. I just cried. Discretely trying to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I focused my pain, tiredness, weakness, and frustration into the healing process and strength of my leg. I listened to some good music in my headphones and 15 minutes went by on the bike. I continued with the rest of my work out and headed home about an hour and a half later. Slightly less tired, slightly less pain.

Yes!

159.8 pounds. A number I am proud of. Somehow my new yoga practice and mindful eating is really paying off. Not just in pounds but in attitude, in love for life, in ability to let go, be honest, and see things in a new light.

In one word I feel: WONDERFUL.

Eight months ago, January - something - 2011... my boyfriend and I set out on on a mindful eating regimen. Diet if you must, but I prefer mindful eating regimen. Yes, so that is what we did. The books we read included: The 4 Hour Body by Tim Ferriss and Engine 2 Diet by Rip Esselstyn. I gotta say two great books, two very different approaches. First 30 days were dedicated to the approach dictated in The 4 Hour Body. My binge day, Saturday, my first binge day... was INSANE. After 6 days of meat, fish, spinach, kale, broccoli, beans, hot sauce, lemon water and green tea - I had lost about 3 1/2 pounds. Binge day was pancakes, butter, syrup, eggs, butter, toast, butter, marmalade, juice, coffee. Aaaand... a 5 hour sugar crash nap followed by the worst hangover ever... I mean UP there with early 20's binge drinking hangovers. Prior to that day, the week was a little difficult, but I felt healthy, clear-headed, and overall satisfied as I began to monitor and change what my body actually required in terms of caloric intake to stay energetic. 

Needless to say, I was reluctant to embrace the next binge day with such fervor. The sugar withdrawal was by far the worst part of this diet, and the sugar binge was equally as horrifying. It was obvious I needed to cut back on sugar in some ways. But how?

We do the 4 Hour Body diet for about 22 days in January/February. I lose 10 pounds. I keep it off. Yay.

March/April roll around and my beloved and I agree to embark upon another foodie adventure, with Rip Esselstyn in the driver's seat. We went vegan + eggs. We even eliminated oils for whatever reason - they are "just not worth it" in Rip's eyes. You want healthy vegetable fats, then eat avocados. So we did. This diet was nice, but the recipes were actually quite a bit of work. We derived some decent fundamental thoughts - like keep your veggie intake HIGH - and experimented with some fun salad dressings sans oil. So that was all nice and good. And fruits - I ate as much fruit as my little sweet tooth desired. That part was bliss. No juices though - just the real thing.

May/June rolls around and I have witnessed myself in a dieter's dilemma. What the hell am I supposed to eat? What do I want? What makes me feel good and satisfied at the same time? This caused me much stress, and I actually found myself eating LESS overall and feeling increasingly frustrated by food.

This was sad to me. I loved food. I grew up in a house that loved food. My Mom is a great chef and baker. It runs through to me and my siblings too. At this point I was just worn out from trying all these different foods, recipes and eating regimens. I think I blacked out part of this experience because I don't really remember how I handled it in the end... other than just telling myself to relax and you'll figure it out.

July. The middle of blissful summer. My partner and I have just moved into a beautiful, quiet 1920s cottage just east of downtown Boulder with a gorgeous garden to boot. I feel strong and energetic and clear-headed and ready to take on life again. I am seeing a Shiatsu healer as well as a Thai masseuse. Despite feeling content mentally, my physical body is screaming at me. Lower gastrointestinal problems. Need I say more. Chest pain. Lower back pain. SUCKS. I see my MD – IBS she says. She prescribes an antispasmodic. And there I go, off on another food finding mission.

Goodbye caffeine (chocolate, coffee, green tea)… goodbye dairy (yogurt, cheese),.. goodbye gluten. Didn’t you know that Siliac’s Disease is contagious in Boulder? You don’t actually need a blood test here, you just need to know someone who actually has it, or pass them on the street.

Okay, so my body is HIGHLY sensitive to these foods and substances. I attend a Shiatsu healing session. One a week for three weeks actually. Then every other week and I am still going (on week 8 now). I remember this helped tremendously when I had a similar experience after my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009. Dale says “liver deficiency, spleen and stomach imbalances”.  We treat. I take prescribed Chinese herbs. I am feeling better. Two months into it all. I am still caffeine, dairy, and gluten free. And my body is thanking me. I can relax a bit and enjoy my garbanzo bean and tapioca flour-based seedy breads.

I start yoga on Sunday, July 10^th. I create for myself a 10 week doable yoga schedule. I kick it off with Restorative Yoga. It is nothing short of awesome and restorative. I hit hot yoga again on Tuesday night. I knew I loved hot yoga from classes at my past gym, which inspired me (months later) to join a yoga studio that offered many hot yoga classes. I felt great, and sweated like nobody’s business. It was easy to lose weight in the form of water with this regimen.

I ate. I felt hydrated. Dale, my Shiatsu healer, advises I try the caveman diet. Meat and veggies. This wasn’t hard because I had been craving meat lately, and already ate a lot of salads and other veggies. I felt satisfied. Cooking and grocery shopping were easy. Ahhh... sigh of relief.

I stopped my birth control medicine. Continued the Chinese herbs for my tummy/spleen/stomach imbalances. Had my first period in like 3 months. And was losing fat and gaining muscle. My energy and mood are stabilizing.

So that’s the short of it. The intro to my new life. Yoga. Shiatsu. Thia massage. Meat. Veggies. Free of caffeine, dairy, and gluten. Oh, and I left out COMMUTER BIKING. How could I forget that?!

In May 2011, I sold my Boulder-iconic Subaru Outback wagon. Kissed it goodbye. It was a conscious lifestyle change. One of the best decisions of my life! Living in downtown Boulder makes it all very doable. I bike everyday to and from work, to get groceries, to the movie theater, to the creek, etc. My boyfriend has joined me, though he still co-owns a car with a friend. A few miles a day on bike makes a huge difference in the way I see life, the way I experience it, the way I approach challenges, and my physical and mental fitness are improving. Cycling brings light into my day and strength into my heart.

And so, this morning, a sunny late August day. Two days before my birthday actually. I hop of the scale. 159.8. BMI going down too. Yes! After a reggae Core Power Yoga 1 class, a couple cookies, a piece of pie and a late dinner (BBQ chicken, cucumbers, and tomatoes) the night before: this is what I am blessed with. This is the first time I have weighed under 160 pounds in over a decade. And I feel strong and good about it.

Obsessed with weight? No. Just proud of the fact that my physical health is improving without it feeling like a chore or confusing, and my mental and spiritual health are improving right along with it.