Today, shamefully yet willingly, I entered Target for an outing. I don't like supporting Target because of their support of anti-gay politics. Anyways, I went with my care provider (Suzanne) to get a few household items. What convinced me to go to Target was the fact that they have wide aisles I can maneuver in easily AND I didn't have to bring my own wheel chair to get around. They have POWER SCOOTERS.
These F'ing "power" scooters barely work. They barely hold a charge. They stop, go, slow down, stop. When you want them to go, they won't. When you need them to stop they go. Like when Suzanne crashed into the door trying to park the thing at the end of our adventure.
For some reason there is a note on the handle bar that says "If green light is not lit, ask for assistance." OKAY - how are you supposed to ask for assistance when you're stuck in the corner of the Kleenex aisle far from anyone? And what are they going to do? Bring you another crappy scooter? Thank God.
The best thing about the POWER SCOOTER is that they can't make turns greater than 10 degrees, so I was constantly backing up (which makes the thing go BEEP BEEP BEEP, like a F'ing school bus), straightening out, and proceeding forward. I think my laughing out of frustration and disbelief made me look like a mad woman at times... but I also got a few other strangers to laugh too. Slap stick comedy, still funny!
Yes - the experience often reminded me exactly of Austin Powers doing his 20 point turn in the hallway of whatever factory place he was in, just bumping into walls going forward and hitting them trying to back up. Getting nowhere. Fortunately, I did not hit anything or anyone... but it came close!
I narrowly averted t-boning this one woman in her own custom scooter (very fancy, deep purple)! I was cruising (for a moment), coming out of the aisle where I grabbed trash bags and a piece of glass Tupperware. I immediately took my finger off the throttle (there is no "brake") and flipped the switch to REVERSE. Phew. BEEEEEP. BEEEEEP. BEEEEEP. She and I laughed. She said, "Bless you child," for some unknown reason and laughed with her little cute pumpkin face. And I said, "Woah, we nearly had a major collision here!" To which the lady replied, "I only run over men, and SINGLE men at that. Leaving my tread marks on them. So I can slow them down enough to catch 'em!" Suzanne and I cackled and this lady sped off past the Kleenex as I sputtered around the corner. Backing up, going forward, backing up - making this wide-ass turn as difficult as possible. BECAUSE THESE STORE SCOOTERS SUCK. But, boy, am I ever grateful for these things... Suzanne and I laughed our asses off!
So here we go:
I was just reading this laughing my ass off and the picture oh my god this is too funny. I'm sure at the time it was frustrating but what a good story for ya~ Wish I was there to get pissed at scooter with yoU!
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